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Words For Courageous Living





I know many, many pastors could/would say as I will, "I was given the best pastorís wife in the whole wide world." Well, for me that IS true.

Nancy Jane (DuBois) Carlson is her name and taking care of me is her game. The problem with being a pastorís wife is that she is not only the silent partner, but also the sounding board and pastorís shield for so many in the church.


We often hear of Hero's
on the news at night
how someone went into a fire
to save someone else's life

BUT, there's another Hero
that we never hear about
thou her love and dedication
are never in a doubt

Often took for granted
never glorified
still she keeps on going
for the person by her side

She stands beside him everyday
no matter what is thrown their way
for he was called from above
to spread the message of GODS' LOVE

And just as he was called
she was hand picked too
for it takes someone special
to do what she must do

And though he may get the glory
and he may get the fame
she will stand beside him with love
and help him just the same

she is the person he turns to
when he needs a friend
she will always be there
to the glorious end

I would like to take this moment to introduce to you
a Lovely unsung hero for whom
GOD handpicked to spend her life
as the pastor's WIFE

Donna Golden

(In this case, Nancy Carlson)


+ + + +


I like the words from a pen of someone else.

If the wives of Pastors had a Patron Saint, it should be John the Baptist ó"He must increase while I decrease," (John 3:30). A pastorís wife is always there, the silent partner. She shares her husbandís disappointments and joys - knows the apparent failures - feels the barbs and feels the happiness too; and steps quietly into the background as men applaud him.

It is not an easy role. In todayís society she would be called a 2nd class citizen! If she has talent and uses it, she is too "smart"; if she hides it, she is pretty "dumb". Her husband is often regarded as a "necessary evil". She is expected to be the perfect example. Her clothes may not be "expensive", but must be stylish and in good taste.

She is expected to smile and be cheerful even though her head may be aching and everyone else is complaining. She must accept criticism gracefully, and bite back any response. Her home is not her own, and ghosts of former Pastorís wives are brought up at every meeting there. She is expected to cook, clean house, raise model children, be prepared to entertain at a momentís notice and remain cool, calm and collected through it all. And though the phone rings constantly, she must answer each time pleasantly and courteously. She is the "unpaid servant" of the church and expected to fill every vacancy no one else wants. She cannot join a card club or plan an evening at the theatre, because it might cause "discord" in the parish. If she has babies at home, she is still expected to fulfill her "duty", though others may relinquish theirs for the same reason.

She is the keeper of the light and though the keepers of lighthouses do not launch many ships, they keep many a good ship from going to ruin. The light shines further than the keeper can see, and brightest when they cannot see it at all. Their main purpose is to keep the light burning and never to get between the light and the darkness it is supposed to lighten.

+ + + +

My wife has developed these aspects in her ministry:

I would pass them on to all young pastorís wives.....

Deepen your relationship with our Lord; it is especially vital during trying times.

Guard your marriage and family.
If you do not build in some protection, your congregation will consume nearly every moment of your day. Your husband will lose himself in his assignment if you do not intentionally carve out time to be together.

Use your best gifts most often.
Find an area of ministry that brings you purpose and joy.

Find a friend.
I know doing so takes time and energy, but make a friend who can share your journey in confidence and sincerity. You will find she is a gift from God.

One last...



The Pastorís Wife

(in my case....Nancy)

In the shadow of the parsonage

Stands a figure oft obscure.

Just behind the faithful pastor

Is his wife, devout and pure.

She is with him every moment

Helping make his work progress

And you canít discount her portion

In the measure of success.

Oft behind the scene of action,

Often never seen or heard,

Yet she stands forever ready

Just to give a helping word.

It is not in active service

That her worth is really shown,

But in bearing heavy burdens

That to others are unknown.

With encouragement and vision

She must urge Godís servant on,

When the shadows are the darkest

And his courage almost gone.

With her home forever open

And her work quite never done,

She is ever his lieutenant

In the battles fought and won.

+ + + +

Thank you, Nancy, for being my wife, partner and friend


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